A Phoenix Burned
by Justanotherghostwriter
Summary: Hey guys, a nice oneshot from Illium. Shep is missing, Garrus finds out why. Essentially a rewrite of Shepard's meeting with Liara on Illium. Fits into the universe I was creating in my first fic, but it's not req reading material. A little more serious than I'm used to, I hope I pulled it off! Enjoy, and please R&R. (Rated M for mild cursing, implied adult content)


"Garrus, I think there may be a problem," asked a female voice from behind him. It was the last voice he was expecting to hear. Cool, refined, and a trace of an accent that he learned from Shepard came from a country on Earth called _Australia_.

"Miss Lawson, I assure you I know there is a problem. Don't worry, this gun will be firing at optimum efficiency once I finish with these calibrations," he replied, utterly focused on his terminal and the vast amount of firing simulations he was running.

"Not the bloody gun! It's Shepard, he's missing," she replied. There are many differences in human and turian speech, however there was no mistaking the fear that colored the usually frosty Cerberus agent's voice.

 _Missing? Or hiding from everyone's favorite terrorist?_

"Are you sure you didn't just misplace him Miss Lawson? He can be quite… evasive when he wants to be," he replied, still not looking up from the screen.

"I didn't _misplace_ anything! Mordin and Zaeed went with him to visit Doctor T'Soni, and afterwards he sent them back to the ship without him and disappeared!" She retorted, sounding irritated.

 _That_ got his attention. He finally tore himself away from the gun and faced the operative. "Wait, he met up with Liara? How did that go?"

"Mordin said that it was very tense, but that she seemed very helpful. She told Shepard where to find Thane Krios and the asari Justicar. Why does that matter?"

 _Damn it. Well maybe it isn't that bad…_

"That's it, that is all that happened?" He asked her urgently, she looked very confused now, but answered him right away anyway.

"That's all I know, what is going on Garrus?" Miranda seemed unsure, and rather suspicious. He liked it that way.

 _Poor Miranda. Still don't know everything huh? Well I'm certainly not going to tell you if Shep hasn't._

"Sorry Miss Lawson, I'm afraid I cannot help you, now if you will excuse me," he replied as he strode past her and through the door.

 _Well I have Mordin's take on what happened down there. I wonder what Massani has to say about it._

* * *

Liara was unhappy. She'd been unhappy countless times in her life. When she was young and her mother wouldn't let her dig in the garden for Prothean ruins, when her mother had died, when they opened the last escape pod from the Normandy SR-1 and found only Joker. Yes she had been unhappy before. However, in the past, time would make her feel better. Sometimes it took longer than others. When she had been forbidden from digging for Protheans she was upset for a week, whereas when Shepard died she had been upset for, well, she was still upset about that.

 _Probably not the best example._

Now however, time seemed to be her enemy. The longer she sat there the worse she felt about her meeting with Shepard.

 _You did the right thing. You can't be involved with him again. You won't be able to handle it when he dies again. Goddess… they're calling his new mission a 'suicide mission'! Not to mention if he does somehow survive that there will soon be Reapers trying to kill him! No, he might not understand, and you may not want it to be like this, but this is best for everyone. He can focus on his mission, you can focus on finding Feron, and if either of you wind up dead the other will be fine. Well as fine as you can be if an acquaintance passes…_

Yes, the rational argument. The longer she thought about the 'rational' argument the weaker it seemed. Not to mention the word 'acquaintance' left a sour taste in her mouth. She once knew a certain human Spectre who threw rationality out the window and swept a certain asari scientist off her feet while saving the known galaxy…

 _You still love him. This is why you gave his body to Cerberus! Rationality has no place in any of this. He came back from the dead! Not to mention the unbelievable nature of what is facing everyone. Yes, if he dies again it will destroy you, but so will avoiding him! Everyone will be fighting for their lives soon, and then all we will have will be our loved ones, our friends. It's not like you have an abundance of those!_

Ah, the romantic argument. As the rational argument grew weaker the romantic argument grew so much stronger. Still, she knew it was unbelievably selfish and utterly irresponsible. Even if she could accept the weakness she would be allowing herself, she couldn't allow herself to weaken him.

 _The galaxy will always need him more than you do. He may be the best chance we have to survive what's to come. It could've been different, but that isn't where you are. You have to let him go, and be strong. You have to help him if he needs it, but nothing more. This is for him, for you, and for everyone else._

She nodded to herself, once again beating the romantic argument out of her head and turned back to her work.

* * *

"Zaeed, you were with Shepard when he met with Doctor T'Soni, right?" Garrus asked the grizzled mercenary. He had immediately taken the lift down to Engineering after leaving Miranda behind. He was slightly surprised she didn't follow, but he was certainly happy about it. There he found Zaeed Massani. The Mercenary Warlord was one of the few mercs he had ever respected, hell, he even liked Zaeed. He was hard, and maybe not the most trustworthy person on the ship; but he also was a tremendous soldier, a wealth of experience and knowledge, and had a sharp sense of humor.

In response Massani let out a sharp bark of laughter. "Yeah, I was there. I tell you Vakarian, the whole goddamn thing stank," the human replied. "In fact, it actually reminded me of this one job back in the day, you see I was acting as a body guard for this hanar diplomat. Anyway, the damn jellyfish was negotiating a trade deal with some other hanar. For _three_ hours I sat there while they exchanged pleasantries," he growled.

"I'm not exactly getting it," Garrus grumbled, slightly annoyed.

 _I don't have time for story time… if this is as bad as I'm thinking... I'll need to find Shepard soon._

"Those hanar were walking on eggshells around each other. They were too goddamn polite. Even for hanar!" Zaeed explained briskly. "Anyway, it was just like that between Shepard and his asari. Way too polite, and very little emotion. They went straight to business, and that's all they talked about really. You could tell Shepard was pissed when we left," Zaeed continued darkly. "The only time I saw a reaction outta him while we were in there was when Blue asked him to hack some terminals for him, Shep looked like he was ready to throw something."

 _Oh no. This is really bad. Damn it, I should have been there… What were you thinking Blue?_

"Huh, thanks Zaeed. I think I know where he is… but before I go, how'd you know that Liara was with Shepard?" Garrus asked curiously.

 _If Shepard told him that's fine, but if someone else did that means someone else knows. Shepard didn't want this getting back to Miranda and Mr. Illusive._

"Ha! That's an easy one Vakarian. You could cut the tension in that room with a bloody knife! Tension like that can only come from sexual tension, a rifle to someone's head, or both," Zaeed offered with a grin. "And they certainly didn't want to kill each other."

"Hm, just don't tell anyone," Garrus replied as he turned to leave. He didn't really think he would, but it was better to be safe than sorry, as Shepard would say.

"Hmph, I'm not some prissy little gossip. Who Shepard fucks is his business, my business is shooting shit," Zaeed growled good-naturedly.

"Good, I'll talk to you later Zaeed," Garrus said as he walked out.

 _Only one place he could be._

* * *

 _Two fucking years. Two years was all it took for everyone to forget about me. First the Council tries to hide me away after I saved their collective ass, then Alenko accuses me of treason…Some fucking loyalty right there. I shouldn't have even been fucking surprised, why wouldn't the woman I love treat me like some stranger?_

"I need ano- another un," he growled to the asari behind the bar. He forgot her name, he didn't care.

"Hmph, whatever you say babe, just don't puke on my bar. I just cleaned it," the asari replied as she moved to pour him another shot.

"I- I'll do whaever I want, Speshter atority," he growled back, angrier by the second.

 _I should've been out cold by now. That was my twelfth shot… Probably the fucking Cerberus upgrades… my liver is probably all cybernetics now anyway._

"Huh, I've never heard of the Speshters… did you mean Spectre?" The bartender mocked him as she sent over another shot glass.

 _She would die if she wasn't pouring me these shots… and if I could stand up without puking.  
_ "You know wha I mean!"

"Yeah, I do kid. I also know who you are. You're Shepard. The human Spectre who took down Saren a couple of years back?" The question was rhetorical, but he didn't care.

"Yesh, that me, surprised someone remember," he grumbled before downing the shot and motioning for another.

"Awe, is that self-pity I'm hearing? Why don't you tell me about it, babe?" She replied as she moved to pour another shot.

 _Ugh, no. I can barely talk anyway… just let me pass out… much better than this._ He thought to himself as he rested his left cheek on the bar in defeat. Then it was thankfully black at last.

* * *

Aethyta rolled her eyes at the unconscious human. She'd met many Spectres in her time, but none of them ever seemed this weak.

 _The First Human Spectre, the Hero of Elysium, the Butcher of Torfan, the Savior of the Citadel. This is the one everyone was talking about? This is the one who my daughter ran off with two years ago? This guy is just another drunken asshole._

She slid the shot along the bar so that it sat next to the man's head and moved to wash the dishes that had piled up behind her.

 _Still, seems strong enough, and can definitely hold his drink. Haven't seen anyone other than krogan drink like that… Twelve shots of Ryncol? Damn. Apparently he also came back from the dead…_ She chanced a glance back at the human and saw he hadn't moved.

 _Maybe he decided he liked being dead. No one drinks themselves to that by themselves if they like living._

* * *

Eternity was a lovely bar by Illium standards. There was no strip poles, and you could go to the restroom without being kidnapped and sold into an indentured servitude contract. Still, it had a certain grimy feel to it, but Garrus didn't mind.

 _A happy medium between The Darkstar Lounge and Afterlife._

He walked past the bouncer into the bar and immediately headed to where he knew he would find the Commander. Sure enough, he found him face down on the bar, the obsidian N7 armor a dead giveaway.

 _Already out cold… It's been a hour since Zaeed and Mordin came back without him…_

Shaking his head, he approached the bar and signaled to the asari bartender.

"What can I get for you, babe?" She asked tiredly.

"Actually, I'm his friend, I'd like to pick up his tab, since it doesn't look like he's going to be fit anytime soon to pay it," Garrus replied as he held out his credit chit and gestured to Shepard's unconscious form.

"Alright. Let me run it, hold on," she replied as she scanned the chit with her omni-tool. "There you go handsome, now are you going to drag his ass out of here? I don't exactly mind unless he starts to drool on the bar, but something tells me sleeping like that won't be good for the almighty hero's back," she said with a wry grin as she handed him back his chit.

 _Spirits… Five hundred credits on drinks? Oh he is going to owe me when he finally wakes up._ He thought as he glanced at his chit before putting it away. "He told you about that, huh?"

"Not exactly, but one tends to notice the people who saved everyone's collective asses. Just like I know you're Garrus Vakarian," she replied rather lazily. He noticed something else in the asari's voice, but couldn't place it.

 _Hmm, a lot of people recognize Shepard, not so many me. There's something up with her… Damn, mystery for another day, she didn't poison him yet so I think he's safe._

"Well, I'll assume that he'll be safe here for a while longer, I need to go fetch someone who needs to see this," he grumbled, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"Don't worry babe, if I wanted him dead he'd be dead, and not by poison," she answered calmly. "I'm not your enemy, I just serve drinks."

"Alright, I'll take your word," he said to the bartender before turning to his unconscious friend. "And you stay put, if I go back and tell Miranda I found you and lost you again, she might kill me," he grumbled before turning to leave, not before seeing the asari roll her eyes.

* * *

Liara typed away at her console when her omni-tool chimed. Grinding her teeth in frustration, she accepted the call.

 _What can it possibly be now? I have to get this done before tomorrow or I will lose the damned contract with Eldfell-Ashland Energy!_

"What is it Nyxeris? You know I'm busy!" She scolded as she continued to type.

"I apologize ma'am, there's someone here to see you. He says that he's a friend, but won't hesitate to kick the door in if you won't speak with him," the voice replied from her omni-tool.

 _Who could it be? If it was Shepard again Nyxeris would just say so…_

Frowning, she reached into the desk drawer and retrieved her M-9 Shuriken machine pistol before answering. "Ok Nyxeris, let them in."

She quickly realized that needn't worry as the doors hissed open to reveal none other than Garrus Vakarian. "Garrus! It is so good to see you, Shepard said you were with him, but I wasn't expecting you to come by!" She exclaimed as she left her weapon on her desk and flew around the desk to embrace the turian, a gesture he returned.

"Hm, it is good to see you too Blue, I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I know how _important_ your work is these days," he replied into the top her crest, his voice dripping with sarcasm and disdain. She'd known Garrus a long time. She could tell when he was mad. He wasn't mad, however, he was _furious_. And she had a good idea why.

She released him and stood back to look him in the eyes, which of course required her tilt he head back substantially, he stood a good foot taller than her after all. "What's wrong Garrus, you seem upset?" She asked in her own clipped tone.

 _He's here about Shepard. I will not be swayed in this, no matter what. This is for the best._

"Oh, nothing Liara. I'm doing great! Just saving the known galaxy, _again,_ but you know how it is with Shepard. He is back, you know," the turian replied sardonically.

"Yes, I know he is back. We talked earlier, it was very fruitful. I… regret that I can't come with you all. I certainly miss the Normandy, but I have work here. I was able to provide him with some information on the people you're looking for, however," she replied, still staring him down.

"Yeah, it's too bad you can't come. I'm glad your meeting was _fruitful_ , though," he replied, still in his sarcastic drawl as he strode past her to stand in front of her window that overlooked Illium. For a moment, he seemed to get lost in the view. "Must be why I found Shepard passed out in Eternity," he continued suddenly, still not looking back at her.

 _What!? He's down there drinking himself stupid? Shepard doesn't do that, yes he drinks but never alone and never when he has something to do… Goddess._

 _"_ I, uh, didn't know that," she replied rather sheepishly.

"Hm, that's funny. I thought you had _contacts_ now T'Soni?" He asked critically.

"That's not fair Garrus and you know it!" She fired back, suddenly growing very angry herself.

 _I will not be insulted! I worked hard for what I built here, he doesn't get that, he doesn't know what I've sacrificed! I didn't do anything wrong, I'm moving on with my life! It's best for everyone that way._

"No, it's not. You're absolutely right. This sucks, Liara. We've all given up so much, I know I have, and I know you have too. Maybe more than me," he said, desperately rounding on her at last. "You know what else isn't fair? Being the one who actually died here! Being the one brought back to life by the enemy, and finding out that you have lost _everything_!" He roared, losing control of his own anger.

"Damn it Garrus! When he died it killed me! I'm still getting over it, I'll probably never be over it!" She screamed back, she felt her biotics flickering as she lost control of her anger, but she didn't care. "What do you want from me!? It's been two years! Do you want me to just forget everything that has happened, everything that _will_ happen!?" She wailed, faintly aware of the tears running down her face. "No! I will not do this! We're different people now, and this can only end with everyone getting hurt!" She choked out past the lump that sat in the back of her throat.

Finally he stopped and stepped back, his head bowed. "You're afraid." It wasn't a question. Just a statement of fact.

 _Yes, I am._

"No, I just don't feel that way about him anymore," she lied, scrubbing away the tears in frustration.

"That's bullshit and you know it Blue. I- I don't exactly blame you, but you shouldn't have done what you did," he countered quietly.

"Yes, I needed to do this. Whether he knows it or not right now he needs me out of his life," she whispered, bowing her own head.

"Hm, an interesting hypothesis Doctor. Now, I know you don't exactly practice the sciences anymore, but you still know what to do with a hypothesis," he replied.

 _You test it._

"What are you getting at Garrus?"

"Well, you had a hypothesis, and you put it to the test. You thought everything would be better without you in his life, and now you are effectively out of his life," the turian replied, some of the life returning to his voice.

"This isn't a science experiment!" She snapped.

"Hm, maybe you didn't intend it that way, but now I'm saying it is. Now, if you will come with me, we need to go for a walk," he said holding out his arm for her to take.

"Garrus, this is dumb," she said wearily. "I'm not going down to some sleazy bar to see Shepard in a pile of his own vomit, this isn't going to change anything."

"Once again you are mistaken Blue, _this_ ," he said as he gestured to everything around them, "is dumb."

"My office is _not_ dumb!" She snapped, rather offended.

"No, not your office, the situation! Now come on, you need to see this for yourself!" He sounded tired, but no longer angry.

"Garrus, I really have work to do!"

"Excuses Blue. Now take my arm before I have to drag you out of here."

"Fine, only for ten minutes. Looks like I won't have time to sleep tonight," she grumbled as she threaded her arm around his.

* * *

"There, you see? That's your boyfriend. The galactic hero doesn't look so good, huh?" Garrus said triumphantly as he gestured to the rather lifeless looking Commander Shepard.

"No, he doesn't," Liara agreed as she stepped closer to examine him. His hair was especially short, but it was still matted in sweat and whatever other grime he was laying in. His eyes were closed and he wasn't moving; he looked as if he had simply passed out, his head was still in the position that he had obviously passed out in. It didn't look comfortable, let alone dignified. He wore the same armor she had seen him earlier. Obsidian black, except for the N7 logo and blood stripe going down his arm. He apparently had gone through the trouble of scuffing out the Alliance Officer's bars as well as the Spectre logo she remembered from his armor back on the SR-1. Yet she noticed there was no new Cerberus logo to replace them.

 _Oh Shepard. You're a mess. I did this to you?_

"It wasn't just you. The Council threw away everything we accomplished as you know. They offered him his Spectre status back and he told them to shove it up their collective ass. Councilor Anderson had his back, but, well, not much good when it came down to it," Garrus offered, examining him himself. "That along with being labelled a terrorist by the majority of the Alliance brass caused him to completely cut ties with both the Citadel and the Alliance," he continued somberly. "I didn't agree, but he was just angry. He's been a lot more angry since he came back. I don't blame him. He's been abandoned and now he has to align himself with terrorists," Garrus spat, appearing to be just as angry with his friend's situation as Shepard himself apparently only thing keeping him from being arrested outright is that Cerberus does a good job at hiding evidence and Councilor Anderson and Admiral Hackett have been running deterrence," he concluded.

"Goddess, I knew all of that, but, seeing him like this…" she whispered.

"Yeah. This is a new low point. He was bad after Kaidan, but he certainly wasn't like this," Garrus agreed. "It would wear anyone down, he's putting up with a lot."

"Yes, I suppose it would," she murmured as she ran her hand through his hair. She missed doing that. She had thought human hair was so strange when she had first met Shepard, but she quickly learned to love it. They had spent a far-too short month together on Thessia after the battle of the Citadel. They would spend hours together on the beach, and she had thought it so funny how long it took his hair to dry.

 _"That doesn't even make sense! Why would hair even be useful?"_

 _"We used to have a lot more of it. It was once used to keep us warm and covered our entire bodies," he replied laughing his always perfect laugh. They sat in a lounge chair together, she leaning back with her legs up, him leaning against her shins. They had just left the water and were both mostly dry now, except for the fur covering his head._

 _"Well it doesn't seem to be doing much of that now, so why do you keep it?" She asked, running her hands through it and not minding the water droplets that were falling off._

 _"Hm, not every human does. I do because it contributes to the dashing good looks that helped me pick up this beautiful asari scientist," He said with a chuckle._

 _"Commander Shepard, are you saying that you are cheating on me with some beautiful, smart asari?" She asked, her voice full of mock outrage._

 _In response he laughed and leaned back, forcing his way through her shins so that he was resting his head on her chest. "You know a couple months ago you wouldn't have gotten that one."_

 _"I'm a quick study, Commander," she replied happily, still preening at his hair._

 _"What did I tell you about calling me 'Commander'? It makes this whole thing seem weird and dirty, like you're just some subordinate I'm taking advantage of," he chided lightly._

 _"Hm, I don't know about weird, but I can certainly do dirty," she purred softly, running her hands down from his head to his shoulders…_

The rest of that day was a blur. It passed much too quickly like the rest of their vacation, but it was one of the best days of her life. She was once again in the bar, looking down at the man she loved. The man she would always love. The man she _wanted_ to love right now.

 _This still doesn't change anything… He still has his mission, and I still have mine..._

 _"_ Hey beautiful, are you going to just sit there and pet him or are you going to get him out of my bar," the asari across the bar asked. There was something in the way that she looked at her that made her uneasy. Some emotion was in her eyes… something she couldn't place at the moment.

"Um, yes, I'll take care of him," she answered.

"Hm, does that mean…?" Garrus offered hopefully.

"No it doesn't. But I can do better for him than I did, I… have to do better. I couldn't forgive myself if I just abandon him," she replied.

"So what? You're just going to be his friend?" Garrus asked, sounding rather crestfallen.

"Yes. That's all I can be. I'll talk to him when he wakes up… I- I want more but-," she began before the bartender cut her off.

"Do you love him, kid?" She still had that same look in her eye, the one she couldn't place.

"Yes, more than anything, but-," she began again before she was again cut off.

"Then stop making stupid ass excuses. Trust me kid, he's even more torn up about this than you are, and if you let someone you love go, you will only regret it," she declared, sounding rather sad.

"I agree with her by the way," Garrus chimed in.

 _Maybe…but…what if-_

The bartender once again interrupted her, but this time it was her own thoughts. "If you start dealing in 'what ifs', soon that's all you will ever be dealing in kid. Everyone talks about drugs, booze, sex; no, the most addictive thing out there is saying 'what if'."

 _She read my mind, that- that was weird._

"Hm, I heard red sand is pretty addictive, but I guess that's not helping," Garrus once again chimed in.

"Goddess," she muttered, once again gazing at the unconscious Shepard. "Fine, I will talk with him when he wakes up, and… we'll see where that gets us," she relented. The words tumbled out of her mouth, with each syllable it felt as if there was a tiny weight that was relieved from her shoulders.

 _Hopefully he will tell me to go away when he wakes up. This is still a selfish, horrible idea! But… I want it! Why do I have to want this?_

* * *

 _I knew it._

Miranda watched the surveillance feed from the decontamination room with a clenched fist. Operative Vakarian _did_ apparently know where Shepard was, as he now floated next to the turian, clearly unconscious, held up by…

 _An asari? Wait, that's Doctor T'Soni! What's she doing here?_

"EDI, activate audio feed from camera 6-A," Miranda called out to the AI.

"Commander Shepard ordered that all audio feeds be considered restricted information, stating an incident on the Normandy SR-1-," EDI began before Miranda cut her off.

"Override, code Gold-Beta, under the authority of protocol seven," she stated urgently.

"Of course Miss Lawson, should I notify the Illusive Man that you expect that there is 'treacherous activities amongst known Cerberus assets'? The AI replied as she unlocked the audio.

"No, that will be all EDI," Miranda said as she turned up the volume on her terminal.

 ** _"Hang on Liara, sorry, this decon cycle is much longer than on the SR-1," Garrus said over the hum of the decon beam._**

 ** _"Garrus, you've seen me do much more impressive biotics feats than holding up an unconscious Shepard," Liara replied._**

 ** _"Well I don't know, maybe you've lost your edge after two years at a cushy desk-job Blue," Garrus teased._**

 ** _"It's hardly a desk job," she replied seriously._**

 ** _"I don't know Blue, I would guess that our own Miss Chambers has done more fighting over the few years," he countered lightly._**

 ** _"I don't even have to be an information broker to know that she is useless," Liara replied, laughing this time._**

 ** _"Yeah, you wouldn't like her either," Garrus muttered darkly._**

 ** _"What? Why not?" Liara asked suspiciously._**

 ** _"Well, when she's not putting psyche degree to work notifying Shepard of any E-mails, she likes to spend her time taking walks on beaches, volunteering at the local animal shelter, and… what was that last one… oh right, outrageously flirting with Shepard," Garrus said rather dreamily._**

 ** _Liara jumped up in shock and in doing so momentarily lost control of her biotics, dropping the Commander to the ground with an audible crunch. "Oh, sorry Shepard!" She apologized as she once again lifted up the unconscious Commander. "What do you mean Garrus? She's coming on to him? Is he flirting back? When did this start? Do-," the asari began launching her flurry of questions before Garrus held up a placating hand._**

 ** _"Woah, woah, slow down Blue," he interjected, sounding really pleased. "I have to say, that's quite the reaction from someone trying to stay out of his life," he pointed out, wearing the turian-equivalent of a shit-eating grin if Miranda had ever seen one._**

 ** _"Garrus," she replied, her voice rising in warning._**

 ** _"Right, yes she's coming on to him, no he's not interested in her," he replied lazily. "Hm, I wonder why that is? An attractive red-head woman, throwing herself at him, and he's turning her down," Garrus continued, his voice full of suggestion._**

 ** _"Yes, that is curious," she replied curtly, and making a great effort to look away._**

 ** _"Oh Blue, we're really going to continue this little dance? Fine, well I asked him why and do you know what he said?" Garrus replied, in the same voice._**

 ** _"He doesn't like redheads?" She asked, sounding rather hopeful._**

 ** _"Hmph, funny. No, he said that he only wants one girl, someone named Liara T'Soni."_**

 ** _"Damn it Garrus, stop! I already said I'd talk to him, isn't that enough?"_**

 ** _"Hmph, come on Blue, you know me better than that. I strive for the best, this is just like calibrating the Mako back in the day, or calibrating the main gun now!" He crowed happily. "I've got you to talk to him, I think with a little more calibrating I can get you two firing at maximum efficiency!" He continued, once again sounding dreamy._**

 ** _"Ok, a few thoughts about that. One, I'm not a gun. Two, I think you spend too much time alone in that gun battery. And three, could that sexual innuendo be any more forced?" She asked tersely, although she didn't seem particularly angry._**

 ** _"I'm just happy you saw the sexual innuendo, when I first met you I think you would've missed that one," he said happily, as the doors at last hissed open._**

Miranda sat back in her chair, clenching and unclenching her fist.

 _They were dating? How did Cerberus not know about this? Or maybe we did but the Illusive Man chose not to tell me? Why did Shepard not tell this to anyone?_

She found herself quite upset, at Shepard, herself, and perhaps the Illusive Man.

 _Damn it! How did I miss this? Why didn't Shepard mention this? I interviewed him when we first got on the ship, I specifically asked about past relationships! This was important information! If I'd known I could've prevented this whole situation!_

Suddenly, she found her anger with the Illusive Man and Shepard fading, replaced with something else. Overwhelming guilt.

 _He didn't tell you because he doesn't trust you. He trusts openly, you've seen it. He trusted that Krogan before he even opened the tank. He trusted that bitch down in the sub-deck, and he met her in prison! In the past he trusted a krogan mercenary, a turian loose-cannon C-Sec officer, and CLEARLY he trusted the asari daughter of a traitor. Yet he doesn't trust you, the one who revived him and his second in command on his ship. Why is that? Maybe it's the same reason that you saw no problem overriding his orders and spying on two people. One a member of his crew and his best friend, the other apparently the one he loves even through death._

Feeling disgusted with herself, she once again called out to EDI, "EDI, please cut the audio, and please restore Commander Shepard's sole control over the audio system."

"Yes Miss Lawson, would you now like me to contact the Illusive Man and inform him of the situation?" EDI asked, emotionlessly as always.

"No, it appears that I was mistaken EDI, thank you," she said.

* * *

He opened his eyes, slowly.

 _Damn, the bar is really dark…_

Then he noticed the glow from the fish tank.

 _Ugh, too bright, that hurts! Well stupid, you're not in the bar anymore, and you're not dead, which means someone found you and dragged you back to your room._

Slowly, he sat up, only to immediately fall back down as explosive pain rocked through his skull.

"Argh, damn it! Feels like Grunt is sitting on my head," he muttered to himself, but to his surprise a voice answered.

"Yes, I believe that is a known side effect of drinking five-hundred credits of ryncol."

The voice was so familiar, he'd recognize it anywhere. Yet it made absolutely no sense that he would hear it here.

 _Huh, maybe I'm dreaming, or hallucinating, or maybe I did die and now I'm in heaven-or maybe hell…We'll see._

"Liara? What are you doing here? Did you drag me back here?" He asked, still not lifting his head from his pillow, not really wanting to revisit the feeling of krogan-on-head.

"Yes, with the help of a certain turian on your ship. He said you owe him five hundred credits by the way," she replied.

Her voice clearly didn't match what she was saying. Her tone should have been playful, instead she sounded distant, worried even. Not too different from how she sounded earlier, except now there was no business to discuss.

 _She still doesn't want to talk to me, yet she is. Why? Why is she even here? Was this all Garrus's idea?_

He decided to play along for now. "Hmph, I'll have to take care of that. Anyway, I guess thanks for carrying me home," he replied neutrally. If they were going to talk she sure as hell was going to say something first.

"Heh, well I wouldn't have known about you down there if Garrus hadn't found me, and I also kind of dropped you," she replied sheepishly.

 _That explains why my shoulder is hurting too… or at least that MIGHT be why my shoulder hurts… I don't remember much…_

"You dropped me? Really?" He chided her lightly.

"Garrus… surprised me with something. Really it's his fault!" She offered with a small laugh.

"Oh please, a little _surprise_ and you dump me on my ass? I've carried you plenty of times. Out of exploding volcanoes, that one time back on Thessia on the beach, and few other times when we were about to… well, hardly the point," he stammered, before he recovered. "The point is, I've _never_ in all the times I've carried you dropped you, and now you carry me _once_ , and I end up almost _dying_ ," he said dramatically, producing a small giggle out of the asari.

"Oh, _please_ , don't be dramatic. You fell about three feet in full combat armor. If the _great_ Commander Shepard could be killed by that we'd all be Reaper food by now," she pointed out lightly. "And not for nothing, that one time on the beach you _did_ drop me! Into the water no less!" She accused him in mock outrage, and they both broke out into snickers at the memory. Content to enjoy the calm before the storm.

"Fine T'Soni, I guess I did drop you once, but that's still like a ninety-nine percent not-dropping rate, compared to your zero percent," he pointed out.

"Ugh, you're never going to let this go, are you?" She asked resignedly.

"No, never," he replied with a quick smile, which quickly fell into a scowl.

 _Enough of this, looks like I'll have to force the issue._

"Well, I guess I have a harder time letting go than others," he said bitterly, sitting up at last, and ignoring the pain that exploded in his head and glared at her. She sat right next to his bed, and he was happy to see she hung her head, unable to meet his gaze.

"It was never about that," she murmured, sounding truly upset, which only served to wrench at his heart.

 _Damn it, stay strong, this is her fault! She wanted it like this!_

"Really, it sure seems like it is exactly like that. Another one of my friends turning their back on me. You know, the cynical part of me could have expected this from the Council and the Alliance, but you and Kaidan? Really?" He countered acidly, still glaring at her as she looked up, looking as if he struck her.

"Damn it Shepard! I didn't want this to be like this, I didn't mean to hurt you! It's been two years! How would have you reacted?" She asked hotly, her own anger rising as she was now _very_ capable of returning his glare.

"I sure as hell wouldn't have asked you to go hack some terminals after telling you that you don't understand how the galaxy works!" He shot back.

 _This is wrong. I've never argued with her like this before… what happened? What happened in two years that made this possible?_

 _"_ Don't get it into your head that I don't care! Because I do, more than you know! I care more than anyone else in this entire galaxy what happens to you!" She cried, angry tears beginning to run down her face as she leapt to her feet and closed the distance between them.

 _Bullshit._

"Oh really? You do _such_ an amazing job of showing it, Love. Really, I come back from the dead and I've seen more emotion out of the damned AI than I saw from you earlier!" He howled back, feeling the cap on his fury fly off as he too leapt to his feet so now they were face to face.

"Emotion? You want emotion? What is this?" She asked hysterically, pointing to the tears on her own face.

"Tha-," He began angrily before she cut him off, looking positively unhinged.

"Shut up, because you clearly need to _see_ this!" She yelled loud enough so that he silently thanked Cerberus for making his quarters soundproof. Very suddenly she closed the distance that was left between them, which wasn't much and grabbed his hands. "A long time ago you told me that you had no secrets from me. That I could do this whenever I wanted to. Do you still feel that way?" She asked suddenly no longer angry but nervous, her eyes wide.

He remembered that day, also back on Thessia. I was an absolutely brilliant day, one of his favorites…

 _"Liara, I didn't know you could cook!" He exclaimed in shock as he walked into the dining hall. The table was piled high with various asari dishes, and some human ones. Seasoned Eezo trout seemed to be the main course from Thessia. a spiral ham which appeared to be glazed with brown sugar and honey was Eath's main contribution to the buffet, although homemade mashed potatoes and some green bean dish that was unknown to him was also present. The more he looked the more he was impressed. Armali fruit salad (which was totally better than human fruit salad), fresh pasta salad, fresh Thessian redfruit, and some other dishes he didn't recognize._

 _"My mother was always an excellent cook, we had maids for most of the daily tasks around the estate, but she always insisted on cooking dinner. I helped her every day, it was one of the few things we always got to do with each other. I guess I picked up a few things," she replied warmly as she walked out of the kitchen with some other tray of food he didn't recognize, but it smelled amazing._

 _"Liara, wait, this all looks great, but isn't this a bit much? There's only two of us eating!" He pointed out._

 _"Oh is there? Did you tell Wrex, Kaidan, Garrus, Joker, and Tali not to come?" She asked as she set the tray on the table._

 _"No way, you invited everyone!? I thought Wrex went back to Tuchanka and Tali back to the fleet?" He asked, very excited now._

 _"Tali was easy, she came as soon as I asked. That data you gave her helped her leverage some leave," she answered happily._

 _"And Wrex?" He asked, almost bouncing in his seat in anticipation._

 _"He was a little trickier… He's quite busy, apparently he's making a bid for Clan Chieftain of one of the Krogan clans on Tuchanka. Anyway, he declined until I told him I would personally hunt him down and reduce him to krogan-pudding if he missed my dinner," she said happily._

 _"Ha! All that shit he gave me for being afraid of you and now HE comes running across the galaxy so he doesn't miss dinner? Really?" He asked, snickering as Liara once again walked back into the kitchen._

 _"Yes, really," she called from the other room._

 _"Oh, I can't wait to rub THAT in," he said happily. "Hey wait, there's no dextro food here!" he called into the other room, suddenly alarmed as he scanned the table again._

 _"Yes there is! They're the ones you don't recognize Hon," she called back._

 _He once again checked the aforementioned dishes and relaxed. "Oh, ok. Good thing you told me, they also look pretty good!"_

 _"Hm, that would've been interesting," she agreed as once again entered the dining hall carrying what he assumed was another dextro dish._

 _"So you can cook dextro too?" He asked, eying the dish as she put it down._

 _"Yes. I picked up some things in college. I roomed with a turian for five years," she replied absently as she took a moment to scan the table herself._

 _"Hm, that's interesting. So when are our friends arriving?" He asked, eyeballing the ham in anticipation._

 _"Fifteen minutes, and we WILL be waiting for them before we start," her voice rising in warning, as she noticed what he was looking at._

 _"Oh come on! I just saved the galaxy, Liara. Surely that earns me a piece of ham? What's going to possibly happen if I take some ham now?" He asked, still wistfully staring at the food._

 _"Hm, can I show you?" She asked in THAT voice. The fake sweet one that always precluded him getting in trouble._

 _"Uh, as terrifying as I'm sure this will be, sure. Although you know you never have to ask to meld with me," he replied casually, although she clearly didn't take it that way as her eyes went wide. "Uh, something I said?" He asked, to the now shell-shocked asari._

 _"Um, well, I- erm," she stumbled ,before recovering. "Well, um, asari couples usually don't do that… it's um, a little strange."_

 _"Really? Why?" He asked, genuinely surprised._

 _"Well, um, most couples like to respect their partner's right to keep some thoughts private," she replied, sounding very uncomfortable._

 _"Huh, well I've got no secrets from you, Liara," he replied seriously, watching her eyes go even wider and hastened to add, "I mean, if it bothers you, you can always still ask-," before he was interrupted by her kissing him, quite passionately. Her tongue explored his mouth and her arms hooked around his neck. He returned it with equal fervor, reaching out to pull her into his lap. Finally, he surfaced for long enough to ask, "What was that for, I thought I put my foot in my mouth there for a second."_

 _After a small giggle, she replied, "Not this time, it was actually one of the sweetest things you ever said to me," she replied happily still running kisses down his neck._

 _"So not weird?" He asked, still marveling at his good fortune._

 _"Not weird, but very human of you," she said laughing, as she took his hands in hers and a whispered the two words in his ear…_

That was a great day. Now he stood in the same situation two years later, and he found he didn't really even have to think about his answer. "Damn it Liara, do it," he growled. She smiled faintly before whispering the two words again, into his ear.

"Embrace eternity."

Two years ago she had shown him a vision of her biotically beating him with the ham he so desired. Now the vision wasn't so light-hearted. He saw her, kneeling in the snow crying, hugging an N7 chest plate to her chest. Then he saw a drell, and words echoed through his mind. _That's Feron, he's a friend. He actually betrayed me more than once, he was double-dealing for Cerberus and the Shadow Broker._

He watched as her and the drell ran around Omega of all places, and he felt her emotions the whole time. Sadness, determination, guilt, anger, even some hope when Cerberus approached her offering to attempt to resuscitate…him. Above all, however, was pain. Pain at losing the one she loved, of having to fight mercenaries and Shadow Broker agents even to retrieve his corpse. He saw a Collector, obviously not for the first time, but was shocked all the same. _They wanted your body, I'm not exactly sure why, but if we assume they are allied with the Reapers I think we can guess._ He saw Liara and Feron fight the Shadow Broker troops, the Collector, but they were losing… Feron stayed behind as Liara made off with the stasis tube containing his body. He saved her. He felt her emotions spike at this part. Guilt, anger, and again sadness. The others were overwhelmed soon after by grief when Liara finally looked upon his body. He felt her emotions as his own, and he felt his own anger at her completely dissipate.

 _Liara…_ He thought, not exactly sure what to say.

 _Wait, I'm not done._ And so he watched as she handed his body over to Cerberus, at Lazarus Station. She left the station on her small shuttle, in tears. She returned home to Thessia where she would spend the next month locked in the T'Soni Lineage Estate, completely alone, spending most of her time sleeping or crying. Finally, the meld ended, and he was once again staring at her.

"I-I don't really know what to say," he croaked, stunned.

"If you hate me, I understand," she mumbled, her eyes shining as she looked down at the floor.

"Liara, do it again, but this time look at my memories," he whispered.

"Y-you're sure?"

"Do it."

And so she did. He showed he waking up at Lazarus Station, and the anger that began building there. Being forced to work with Cerberus, dealing with the Illusive Man, learning of everything that he lost. His reputation, his rank in the Alliance, his Spectre-status, everything they worked for together while they chased Saren. _Shepard… this is horrible…_ She thought, but he thought back for her to hold on. He showed her the empty colony on Ferris Fields, his meeting with Tali. _At least that went well._ He pressed on, showing her his brief periods of happiness, meeting Joker, Garrus; then crushing defeats, Horizon, his meeting with the Council, and _every_ meeting with the Illusive Man. Finally, his confrontation with Kaidan, and his confrontation with her.

 _Oh Shepard…_ She thought as she watched herself brush him off only hours before.

 _You know why that was the worst part?_ He thought as he thought of the Normandy SR-1 disaster. He was now flying through space, his oxygen depleting. His thoughts here weren't fearful, he wasn't even thinking of himself. He was thinking of her, getting away. There was no fear, no anger, just disappointment that he wouldn't be able to live his life with her. Again the meld ended and he found himself once again looking at her.

"I died, Liara. I died and I thought I lost everything. Then I woke up," he muttered quietly. "Only to find that I lost everything anyway," he continued quietly.

"I'm sorry, Shepard. I wasn't thinking-," she began before he interrupted.

"Neither was I."

"So… what does this mean now?" She asked sheepishly.

"Well, I think it's obvious. I know I still love you, and clearly you still love me-," he began as reached out to pull her closer.

"It's not that simple," she protested halfheartedly.

"Isn't it?" He murmured, resting his forehead on hers, which required him to stoop quite low.

"I-I'm afraid. I can't lose you ag-," she began saying frantically before interrupted her with a kiss. Quick, but it spoke volumes.

"You have your mission, I still have to-," she protested again but her heart clearly wasn't in it as he once again interrupted her with a kiss.

"Shepard, you can't just end an argu-," she tried once more and achieved the same result.

"Sorry T'Soni, I didn't catch that last part," he teased lightly as he began kissing her more fervently. To his delight she returned his passion with equal delight.

"I said you're a cheater," she replied in between kisses.

"Only when the game really matters," he replied as he scooped her into his arms, eliciting a squeal of delight.

"Shepard!"

* * *

 ** _Two hours later:_**

"Well, I missed _that_ ," Shepard mumbled into her shoulder. He lay behind her, his arms still wrapped around her abdomen. He sounded content, which made her happy… sort of.

 _I missed that too… but this was totally careless, selfish, and stupid!_

"Shepard, I think we need to talk about this some more," she said, she didn't sound convinced herself.

"Hm, maybe we do," he agreed happily. "So that one thing you did-," He continued seriously before she cut him off.

"No not the sex!" She interjected exasperatedly.

"Oh, then what?" He asked into her should again, sounding rather disappointed.

"I don't know, the totally unresolved issues we were discussing _before_ the sex?" She asked annoyed, twisting her body around to glare at him.

"Oh, _that_ ," he said, sounding really disappointed now. "Hm, I think that's something for future Shepard and Liara to do," he said matter-of-factly.

 _Wh-What?! That's insane!_

"You _cannot_ be serious! That's totally irresponsible! You just want to have a relationship and pretend that there's no problems?" She asked stunned.

"Hm, I don't see any problems. I mean- apart from the obvious Collectors, Reapers, asshole politicians, and I guess Shadow Brokers now," he said thoughtfully. "And I will be killing all- er, most of the things on that list," he said nonchalantly.

"What if you don't? You already died once, what if you die again?" She whispered quietly, resting one of her hands on his cheek.

To that he grinned. That trademark Shepard grin before he did something absolutely ridiculous, something completely rash, or something totally incredible. "Ha! Come on T'Soni… they killed me once, I can promise they aren't going to get that lucky _twice_ ," he said with utter confidence.

 _He actually believes that… How can anyone say that and actually believe it?! Why do I believe him!?_

"I, um… ok," She replied giving him chaste kiss.

"Ok," He said happily, returning the kiss.

"Ok," She said again, and for the first time in two years she was happy. She was weaker than she'd ever been in her entire life, completely at the mercy of the events to come, events she couldn't control. She was still afraid, of course. They all faced extinction on a cosmological scale, by an enemy that had obliterated opposition for billions of years. But now they could face it together, and if anyone was going to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat it would be this man. The man she loved. The man she had always loved. The man that she would always love.

* * *

 _ **Authors Note:**_ _**I hope you all enjoyed my obnoxiously long one-shot here. For anyone who read the previous fic I was working on- Mass Effect: The Right Side of Wrong, (Not many haha but still) I will be returning to it at some point. I will be writing some other stuff for now. Mostly short one-shot-ish stuff that will all probably work as stand alone pieces AND fit into the universe I set up there. Anyway, please R &R, it's always appreciated, and keep an eye out for my future projects! Thanks guys! -Justanotherghostwriter**_


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